I gotta come clean. It's 2025 now, and I came across this old prototype for how to handle my homepage while doing some archival review of this site's codebase.
Looking at it gave me a chuckle, so I decided to migrate it to a sandbox component and throw it up here. Otherwise, I left it in the state it was in when I initially wrote it in 2017. I like to think that the dead end was intentional, but I honestly have no iea.